You thought you knew what to text a girl, and you were so confident the other night. You had a good rapport with a girl, you got her number, and you sent her a text.
Nothing.
So you did the right thing and waited. Still nothing. At this point, you’d rather fire off a series of texts telling her how awful she was, but don’t, ok?
There are a lot of reasons a girl might not text you back, and there are a few things you can do to get things jump started. Instead of lashing out, obsessively thinking “she didn’t text back how long should I wait?”, let’s handle this like adults.
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She Didn’t Text Back
If she didn’t text back, there are a few reasons she might have declined your text. Here are a few very common ones.
1. She Wasn’t Interested
We know. Be honest, right? But with horrifying stories of women being assaulted and murdered just for saying no, many women feel safer declining your advances indirectly. Think about it.
You’re probably twice her size. She’s out in public. She may have a few beers in her. She’s in no position to defend herself if you get violent.
She has no way of knowing if you’re one of those guys, so can you blame her for choosing life? We didn’t think so.
2. You Came On Too Strong
Did you send her a text at 7:00 am and then ten more when she didn’t text back by 7:05? On the other hand, did you ask what her favorite sexual position is?
Did you send her a dick pic?
Hopefully, you did none of those things, but you could still have sent some strong messages. That early morning text may have been too much. If you launched immediately into doing something with her three days this week, that might have been too much as well.
Consider your responses and think about how you would feel if a potentially dangerous person were sending you the same texts.
3. You Didn’t Come On Strong Enough
Total opposite of number two, if you sent her a single “hey,” consider how often she gets a boring, non-committal text like that. There’s nothing to follow up. There’s nothing to say. She didn’t text back because you’ve put all the pressure on her to come up with a conversation starter, and honestly, that sucks.
Get a little bit more interesting than that. Remind her who you are and then mention something you both are interested in. Maybe throw out something happening in the city that she might like.
Mention something you’re heading out to do and ask her a similar question. Something.
She Didn’t Text Back How Long Should I Wait?
Give her a day or two now. She might be busy, but if she really wanted to talk to you, she would make time.
It’s crucial still not to launch a series of tirades against her. There are some things you can do to kick start a conversation and pull things out after all.
Start with some casual texts about things happening around your city. Don’t ask her to go with you. Don’t say anything about where she’s been. Just mention that it’s happening and you thought you remembered her saying that she liked whatever it was.
For example: “Hey! There’s an independent book festival happening a few cities over. I thought I remembered you saying you liked XX book. Think the author would be there?”
Give her a few chances to respond to things like that. If she still doesn’t answer, let it go.
She Didn’t Text Back. Now What?
Now that she didn’t text back, you’ve got to get over her. You gave her enough time, and you have to understand that not everything can be a winner. It’s essential that you find a way to let it go.
Getting over a girl you thought you had a connection with can be difficult. Here are a few suggestions.
1. Get Back Out There
Yes, you know. Get back out there and meet someone new.
We mean really get back out there. Don’t bring up the texting snafu to the very next girl you meet. Also, don’t ask her upfront if she’s going to ghost you. And don’t make a big deal about it. You could come across as bitter and threatening.
Accept that women are people and everyone is different. What makes one girl ghost you might be different from the next. The next girl may not ghost you at all. Don’t let your past experiences influence your future like that.
2. Continue What You Love
No one wants to be around a person with no interests, hobbies, or life. It’s vital that you still foster what you love to do so that you have something to use to connect with another person.
You can get so focused on trying to find someone that you abandon all the other things you love. Don’t forget in your pursuit of a partner to keep your own independent happiness in mind.
3. Try Again In Person Later
If you see her on a regular basis, you can also give it a few months. As you become friends with her (and be real friends with her), she may change her mind. If she doesn’t, don’t discount the value of someone’s friendship. You might have a lifelong adviser for the next time you try to text a girl and ask her out.
Trust us, she’ll be way better than your buddies at figuring out how to help you.
Final Thoughts
Getting rejected sucks, but it doesn’t have to be the end. “She didn’t text back how long should I wait?” is something you say once and then get over. Working on your own confidence helps you put those rejections into perspective. Not everyone is for you, and not everyone can be your person.
Rejection is part of the process for finding your partner.
If you aren’t looking for anything serious, that’s ok too. Rejection helps you find someone who’s fun, compatible, and can offer you companionship without causing friction. Not every woman is up for something casual, and some personalities you definitely don’t want something casual with, so consider rejection a blessing here too.
The important thing is to keep your confidence up and to cultivate yourself. Happy texting!